


Think Good Thoughts My Dear

by Angel_made_of_scars



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety, Empath Ryan, I haven’t written in 2 years please tolerate me, M/M, Pain, Very brief Ryan/OC, maybe OOC Shane just a bit, not beta read I die like a man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:22:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24997531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angel_made_of_scars/pseuds/Angel_made_of_scars
Summary: Ryan is no stranger to strong emotion. They make his stomach hurt, make him get headaches, or they make him happy and bubbly. You can bet if someone close to him is happy, he’s also happy, and vice verse.So when Shane’s having a very, very hard time with his new date, he knows he’s in deep shit with the amount of pain he’s going to have to tolerate.
Relationships: Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Comments: 12
Kudos: 116





	Think Good Thoughts My Dear

**Author's Note:**

> Hi I’m alive! If barely. I haven’t written in years and let me tell you why friends. I went from having a brain condition that caused extreme panic attacks and ticking and paranoia, to ALSO having a heart condition that makes sitting up, standing up, laying back, sitting down, or walking excruciating and a risk for going unconscious. I risk standing up and going STRAIGHT back down to the floor. So I may be projecting some pain in my stories oops. But I had fun writing this so please don’t judge too hard! I’m out of practice!

Ryan was no stranger to strong feelings. His whole life he had experienced a... gift, if you wanted to call it that. Anytime someone felt strongly, that is, someone he was close to, he seemed to feel it as well. Heightened and more clear of the intention that emotion carried. When he was a kid and had told people about it, a doctor commented that is was probably just sympathy pain. He almost wrote it off as such, until one day in middle school when he felt strong anger radiating off of a kid who picked on him regularly, and managed to just barely dodge him punching the back of Ryan’s head because he had gotten a bad grade.

The anger he had felt as well, as soon as he ducked, had frightened him to a point that he ran, feeling shock and anger from a few of his friends who he had been walking with, as he ran past them. Since then he hadn’t told anyone, but had researched through the years to be sure it wasn’t a normal occurrence. It wasn’t.

For years he’s experienced this, his entire life that he can remember in fact. And Shane Madej... he was one of the strongest. He knew the feelings heightened around people who knew better, or hung around often. So when he went to the bar with Shane he always mentally prepared himself. It was always an intense hit. It wasn’t often he got ill after drinking, but if Shane did, he did. And if Shane decided to dance, he’d find himself swelling with happiness and a little bit of shyness, and he always ended up going out to dance with him.

Tonight was different. Shane has decided to third wheel to get to know Ryan’s new boyfriend. It was only his second time dating a man, but it was going ok. Not... great. But ok. He seemed more interested in other people sometimes it felt like, missing what Ryan said when he stared at others. It didn’t bother Ryan too much, because the waves of emotion he gave off radiated interest and adoration, and lust. But he had insisted they wait, and his new boyfriend, Keen, had agreed.

Tonight Shane was radiating annoyance and fake positivity. It was bring Ryan down, twisting his own emotions to match. But the mix of the two of them countered each other in a way, and he was able to settle in between. When Keen walked away for drinks, Ryan finally decided to bring it up.

“You ok big guy?” Ryan asked.

“Yeah, I’m always ok. Even when you’re spouting off your bullshit about ghosts.” Shane grinned. Ryan chuckled, finally feeling him perk up.

“Ok but seriously, that last investigation was wild. I swear to god I saw a face in that window and you can’t convince me otherwise.”

“Oh I bet you did. You want in on a secret?” Shame teased.

“Yeah, what?” Ryan chuckled. Shane leaned forward and for a moment Ryan’s heart jumped in his chest. He decided to ignore it as Shane got close to his ear.

“It was your reflection.”

“You fucking asshole.” Ryan laughed, shoving him back. At that moment Keen decided to reappear, placing a drink directly in his hands.

“Drink up.” He encouraged. It wasn’t Ryan’s typical drink. He didn’t mind beer, but it wasn’t one he preferred. Still, when Keen started chanting ‘chug, chug’ he decided he had to take the challenge. He started to down the glass and got only about half way through it before Shane sour energy was too much and he put it down. Shane gave him an encouraging smile as Keen half-drunkenly cheered, and slid back into the booth next to Ryan.

They tried to make small talk again, but Ryan could tell even through the instant buzz he was getting from the higher alcohol content beer that Shane wasn’t approving of him. He thought maybe this one would work out. Sure they weren’t perfect together, but who was?

 _‘You and Shane.’_ his brain supplied. He pushed it away. Why did he care so much what Shane thought anyway? He liked Shane. Probably more than he should. But that meant nothing when he was in a relationship. Just because he liked Shane didn’t mean that to move on he needed his approval.

“You alright?” Keen asked, and suddenly he was zoning back into reality, having missed whatever story Keen had been telling this time. Ryan nodded and chuckled.

“Sorry, probably the alcohol.”

“You wanna head back to my place now that you’ve had some? Or are you gonna say no again?” Keen chuckled, gripping Ryan’s chin and kissing him suddenly. The sentence startled him, as did the tongue trying to gain entry.

All of a sudden nausea, boiling anger, and jealousy hit him so hard he shoved Keen back and gripped his stomach. He gasped and blinked against the sudden dizziness, and the waves of concern and fear suddenly pummeling him from Shane’s side of the booth. Who had that come from? Which one of them had been that intense?

“Ryan, what’s going on?” Shane questioned.

“Just got nauseous, I’m ok. Probably that drink.” Ryan joked. That only brought the anger back tenfold, making his almost shake from the intense change in his own mood. He was suddenly a mix of jealousy, anger, fear, nausea... and annoyance.

“You’re a lightweight huh?” Keen spoke up, taking a gulp of his own drink. He seemed less than concerned. And then that nausea and intense cramping hit his stomach again, a side effect he knew came from feeling things so strongly. It took a toll on his body. But suddenly he wasn’t sure he wouldn’t puke on both of them. He started to shove at Keens side and shoulder, pushing him until he got up with a muttered ‘What’s up with you?’ and rushing towards the bathroom.

The feelings only lessened as he ran to one of two stalls and fell down onto his knees. He waited for a moment for the burning of acid and beer to come up, but nothing happened. Then the feelings rushed over him again, so intense he didn’t even realize the bathroom door had opened. _Concern, worry, anger, fear-_

“Ryan, you alright little guy?” Shane asked, suddenly by his shoulder. Shit, he hadn’t even closed the stall. The cramping hit his stomach and the dizziness spun him again, and he was thankful for Shane being there to lower him down to a sitting position.

“I’m dandy.” He finally choked out. Shane didn’t seem satisfied and another wave of pain and _fear_ hit as Ryan winced. Shane looked uncharacteristically worried, the kind of look that told him he must be looking worse than he thought.

“What are you feeling? Where does it hurt?” Shane asked.

“Dizzy. Cramping.” Ryan admitted. The anger came back again in a painful punch, and he whimpered against it, making it again swing wildly back to fear. This was a roller coaster that he couldn’t get off of.

“Did that fucking- did he try to drug you?! Do you feel like you’re going to pass out?” Shane asked in a rush, trying to keep Ryan sitting up. He was so tired. He wasn’t sure what he was feeling except pain and different emotions giving him whiplash. He might pass out but not from a drug.

“I don’t think so. Not what it feels like.” Ryan said shakily. He swallowed against another wave of nausea.

“How do you know what a roofie feels like?” Shane asked. His tone had gone serious. Ryan didn’t like it one bit.

“Swapped drinks with a girl at a college party once. It was an accident, and we laughed about it. But then her asshole boyfriend got angry, and next thing I knew I was waking up at her place. She drove me back to stay safe while it wore off.” Ryan recounted. Shane chuckled, finally lessening the mood somewhat. It gave Ryan a moment to breathe.

“Of course you did. You would accidentally save a girl.” Shane joked. Ryan managed a chuckle, as Shane held out his arms.

“I’m gonna get you home. Whatever’s happening you don’t need to experience it pressed to a bar toilet. Not unless you want to become the ghost. God knows what germs and ass juice and drugs are on that seat.” Shane continued, making Ryan chuckle as he helped him up.  
 _  
Guilt, guilt, longing, adoration, guilt._

Ryan groaned and held his head once more. Guilt. Why the hell did Shane feel guilty? He was helping. He hadn’t hurt him. In fact the only thing that Ryan was really experiencing was an overwhelming mix of his emotions. There’s... no way Shane knew about his ability right?

“Let’s get you out of here.” Shane grinned, putting a hand around his waist. Ryan’s heart jumped, finally his own emotion. They didn’t get move than two steps before Keen jumped from against the wall to the bathroom door, laughing when Ryan shrieked. A couple of people became aware that something may be wrong, looking towards the bathrooms from their booths. Suddenly Ryan thought he very well may pass out as the anger became overwhelming.

“Would you knock it off?!” Shane yelled.

_Anger, protect, protect, protect, protect._

“It’s just a joke! You said he gets so spooked on your hunting trips that I wanted to see. Nothing like a good spook to stop drunk gags.” Keen laughed. Even Ryan’s own emotions were swirling with anger now.

“It’s not a hunt- you know what? Back off ok? You’re not helping. You’re an asshole. We’re going to leave and you’re going to stay the hell back.” Shane stated.

“I think that’s up to Ryan, not you.” Keen said, suddenly souring and gripping Ryan’s arm. And then he felt it. _Danger, danger, danger,_ flashing at him like a neon sign.

“Shane take me to your house right now.” Ryan choked out, fighting the wave of pain in his gut and dizziness that followed as Shane kicked out his foot towards Keens shin. Keen backed up, but in the process let go of Ryan’s arm, and Shane immediately gripped him tightly around the waist, practically dragging his limp form out into the main bar area. Shane moves so fast Ryan has to fight nausea again.

He was suddenly sure the only reason Keen wasn’t following for a fight was because he knew he’d get thrown in a cell if he attacked a guy helping a nearly unconscious guy get away from him. How had he been so stupid to pick out a douchebag to date? It was his own fault. He had met him at a different bar. Should have dated someone he met at a coffee shop, or a doctors office- _‘or your job’_ he thought.

The wave of _protect, protect, protect_ got a hundred times worse as Shane shoved him into his car in the dark parking lot, helping him sit in the passenger side and hitting the door lock as he closed his door. He jogged over to his side to get in to drive, and Ryan wondered how he hadn’t tripped with his long legs.

As soon as they were on the road a silence settled over them. An uncomfortable one. The longer it persisted, the longer Ryan could feel the waves coming off Shane. _Guilt, fear, anger._ Over and over. He felt awful, his gut twisting in such an intense way it hadn’t before. The longer he sat, eventually his breaths started to turn to pained whimpers. When the first tears started to fall, accompanied by the dizziness, Shane pulled over to the side of the road.

“What’re you-“

“I’m taking you to the hospital.” Shane ground out.

“No! Don’t!” Ryan yelled, startling Shane so badly he hit the wipers. It would have made him laugh or tease the fuck out of Shane if he wasn’t in this situation. Shane Madej, startled. Who knew he could do that?

“Ryan, you’re- crying. I’m worried you have appendicitis.” Shane reasoned. Ryan just shook his head, fighting the nausea.

“Shane please trust me. Just take me home.”

“I thought you wanted to go to my place?” Shane said, and oh no. His feelings dropped again. _**Sadness** , fear, guilt,_ and Ryan suddenly sobbed, covering his mouth. He took a deep breath against the sadness and swallowed hard. Holy fuck, why was it so strong tonight? Maybe it was because he was tipsy. He had always been pretty happy when he got drunk. He couldn’t remember a time he had a sad drunk episode. Maybe it was just what happened. Not like he could really ask a doctor.

“Ryan?”

“No- sorry big guy. Take me home.” Ryan choked out.

He fought off the sobs and the _guilty, sad, afraid,_ until they pulled into the parking garage for Ryan’s apartment building, and continued to try not to break down as Shane wrapped a hand around his waist and helped him to the elevator. He was sure it couldn’t get worse. He was very sure this was the worst he could feel as a side effect of another persons emotions short of maybe experiencing emotions of his family if there was ever a death. Oh how wrong he was.

“Ok hang on, try to hold my back, I’m gonna get you in and laid down.” Shane said. Ryan bit his lip against his own remark. There was no way he was going to get over this illness if Shane was here. It was Shane’s strong emotion that was setting him off. He had to get some space but he knew that if he just asked him to leave that Shane wouldn’t. He was a stubborn asshole. Never would admit anything about things that were on tape, and never would give up on his ideals. One of which was to never leave a friend behind.

What came next Ryan was sure was the worst emotional pain he had felt in his fucking life. He swung his dizzy body and pushed Shane back out into the hall, holding the door frame.

“Sorry, I can’t- I just need some time. I’ll explain later.” Ryan said, shutting the door on him. Shane has been so confused that for a moment the emotion let up, until- **_heartbreak._**

Ryan almost screamed. Legitimately screamed. He stifled it with his hands and began to gag, stumbling to the bathroom just in time for everything he had drunk to come back up in his toilet. He heaved and sobbed, finally able to breathe a bit easier. He could hear Shane pounding on the door, and holy shit he was going to get arrested. It was like one in the morning. Fuck, that was not good. That was the worst pain he had ever felt. Not just physically. It hadn’t been just his gut or his dizzy head, it was his heart. The sadness was so intense he could have sworn he was dying right there before he got to the bathroom. In fact, his heart was pounding. Fuck, was he actually having a heart attack? No, don’t be dramatic.

But fuck he was suddenly having trouble breathing again, and the cramping was back. Did he have appendicitis? No that wasn’t right. He could feel it. _Fear, guilt, sadness, heartbreak, anger._ It was suddenly back, and Ryan thought if he was going to go unconscious now was the time. He gently lowered himself to the floor and laid back, putting his head on the bath mat just in case.

“Ryan?! Talk to me little guy.”

“Fuck.”

“It’s ok! It’s ok, don’t move. I’m gonna call an ambulance-“

“No! Get out!” Ryan yelled. He couldn’t see. Fuck he was so dizzy his vision was going.

“What?”

“Shane please, please believe me. Just go- as far back from me as you can.” Ryan choked out.

“Like hell! I don’t know why you want me to back off so bad but I’m not leaving you dying on your bathroom floor you asshole!”

_Pain, sadness, anger, fear, fear, fear, fear, **HEARTBREAK-**_

“For the love of God Shane think about good things!” Ryan screamed, sucking in agonizing breaths. He was sure his stomach was actually fucking twisting, his intestines ripping apart and he wasn’t sure how he hadn’t gone unconscious yet. And then a break. He gasped a breath and was given a break from the _fear, fear, heartbreak, pain, fear,_ to be met with confusion.

“What the fuck are you talking about?!”

“Shane. Thing of something that makes you happy. Really happy. Fuck- please, please! Think of happy fucking feelings ok? Shane look at me.” Ryan pleaded, and although he couldn’t see squat, his vision blurred with darkness, he must have at least been looking in the right direction.

“Shane. Think about something happy if you care about me at all.” Ryan wheezed.

And then like a flood to a dehydrated man in a desert, love. Pure uncut love. Happiness, twinged with fear, guilt, confusion, but happiness none the less. An overwhelming amount of happiness, and love Ryan suddenly realized. Fuck, that was love. The kind of love a mom and dad have. Fuck and he was suddenly crying, but not from pain. It was lessening. The pain in his gut and head and eyes, everything was finally fading away. And he knew he was laying on his goddamn bathroom floor crying, but he suddenly felt laughter bubble out as his eyes finally adjusted back to reality.

“W-What the fuck Ryan. Is this some sick joke?” Shane asked, but there was only a twinkle of anger, more hopefulness than anything.

“As long as you can keep good thoughts and feelings in your head I need you to come help me get up. I’ll- fuck. I have to explain now.” Ryan chuckled nervously.

He didn’t even get a chance. Shane rushes towards him after only a moment of deliberation and knelt down, all gangly limbs that couldn’t quite reach him without really craning his neck, and he gently helped Ryan sit up against the tub. And once he was sitting up Shane was practically on top of him, hugging him too tight and his knees buckling so he was straddling Ryan’s lap, and fuck if Ryan hadn’t imagined exactly this before, but not this way. And Shane has his head buried in Ryan’s shoulder and after a moment Ryan was able to decipher through the rush of feelings Shane was having that he was whispering.

“Good thought. Keep- good. Think good things. Good things. Keep thinking.” He murmured. And fuck, Shane was frightened. There was so much relief swirling around him that Ryan could finally breathe and it didn’t hurt, but there was also an ever present fear. Shane’s hands on his back and shoulder where he was holding him were shaking. And maybe that’s why the love radiating off of him was fading to a more sinister feeling. He was scared.

“You’re not gonna lose me. I’m ok. Shane seriously, I’m- I’m feeling better. But you need to calm down. You need to keep thinking happy things if I’m going to explain.” Ryan chuckled, more nervously that with humor. He moved out of instinct, burying a hand in the back on Shane’s hair, and using the other to rub his back.

_Love, fear, guilt, comfort, happiness, anguish, protect, doubt, **love, love, love.**_

Ryan had to catch his breath in a sudden gulp again, because holy shit. How had he not fucking noticed? How had he not seen sooner? Why did it just hit him? How stupid could he be to not realize those emotions? The same ones he felt when Shane went out on a date, and came home saying it didn’t work. The same ones he felt when he grabbed Shane’s hand at a haunted location. The same ones he felt while dating others for himself? That feeling of deceit, and sadness, but also love and happiness and comfort when he’s around. Shit.

“Can you- can you get me to the couch? This is starting to hurt.” Ryan muttered. And just like that Shane was pulling back without a word, nodding and helping him up off the floor. He flushed the toilet and put an arm around Ryan’s hips, practically bending in half to do so. He wasn’t touching Ryan’s sides, he realized. He was afraid of hurting him. All the while he kept mumbling, almost like in a trance. It was unlike him and Ryan hated it. As soon as he had lowered him to the couch, Ryan grabbed his hand.

“Shane, calm the fuck down. Sit down and I can explain.”

“I don’t think you can.” Shane muttered, sounding almost fragile. He was quiet again, starting to radiate sadness and anguish, so much so that Ryan started to tear up again. Fuck, he really needed to get control of the situation.

“Is it terminal?” Shane spoke up. Ryan almost choked on his own spit.

“What?!”

“I mean- you’re obviously fucking dying. What is it?”

“No, I’m- I’m not. I’m fine. No joking, no bullshit, I’m fine, I swear.” Ryan promised. Shane shook his head, anger starting to deep in.

“This won’t- you need to calm down because this won’t work if you’re angry alright? I can’t- explain all this bullshit if you’re over there pissed. So trust me for a second and take a deep breath, and... open your mind up a little ok?” Ryan snapped. Shane was switching wildly. Ryan suddenly realized it was getting harder to read him, like he was melting down. He did the next best think he could think of to calm an anxiety ridden person. He took his hand.

“Deep breath big guy-“

“I should be saying that to you.” Shame snapped out.

“I’m ok. Shane I’m really ok. Do you- ok. No this is going to sound like I’m spouting bullshit. And I need you to really really not make fun or get angry or anything else. Just consider the fact that your life view may be changed.”

“You’re serious?” Shane asked, almost in a whisper.

“Yes. I’m... deadly serious. Apparently. I don’t know. I don’t know if that can kill me honestly. I didn’t think it could but- I don’t know. Just listen to what I have to say ok?”

“Ok.” Shame said after a pause. Ryan took a deep breath.

“I feel... other people’s emotions. And when I feel them, they’re stronger- but not in a... ok. How do I word this? God, I’ve never had to tell someone. When you walk closer to me, I can feel them stronger. When I’m further back it’s... duller. And usually I feel it stronger in people who are having an intense feeling? And all those feelings- the happy ones usually make me equally happy, while the bad ones make me- hurt. But also kind of run off on me too. I start to feel- angry, sad, whatever, and in pain.” Ryan finished. Shane wouldn’t look at him.

_Deceit, betrayal, hurt._

“I’m not lying! Shane look at me. Really look at me. I can- fuck, I can try to prove it.” Ryan said.

“How would you prove that?!” Shane shouted, and suddenly _anger_ and fuck, Shane must think this was all some big prank.

“Think of something! A memory that brings out strong emotion! I can’t- I can’t read minds and shit! I can’t tell you what you’re fucking thinking gigantor, but I can tell you how you feel about those thoughts.”

“Fine.” Shame snapped out, shutting his eyes. His posture relaxed. He seemed to be reaching, reaching, deciding, until Ryan picked it up.

“Sadness. You were... confused and sad. Do another.” Ryan said. And Shane shut his eyes again, this time confusion slipping in among the doubt.

“Funny. Oh fuck-“ Ryan chuckled a bit, then winced.

“And disgust. And worry. And- fear.” Ryan swallowed. What the hell kind of memory did he have?

“Do one more. Something stronger than those.” Ryan said. And this time Shane pulled his hand away. He didn’t say a word, just turned away from Ryan. Probably so he couldn’t read Shane’s face he reasoned. If Ryan was in his shoes he’d want to rule out every possibility too. And then it hit him- more intensely that the others. It left him almost breathless.

“Fuck- are you in love with somebody?”

“How are you doing that?!” Shane asked, turning back around. _Confusion, stress, fear._

“Calm down. Deep breaths. Seriously, I-I just explained whatever you’re feeling, I feel.” Ryan said quietly. Shane finally nodded, taking a few dramatically deep breaths and blowing them out slowly. It did nothing to calm his nerves.

“I don’t know how it started man. I don’t know why I have this- fucked up ability. I just know that it’s a thing. I can feel what other people feel. But it’s not overwhelming in a crowd or anything unless I know those people. I can feel it but it’s like all of them are... muted. Dampened. And when I really get to know someone I start to feel it stronger. But I’ve never felt it as strong as tonight dude. The- the anger, and nausea, and guilt. And jealousy.” Ryan said. And Shane looked up in shock for only a moment before looking away.

“Then I ran. I just- booked it because I thought I might be sick. And it hurt. And then- I felt better for a minute, and then you tried to help. And it became worse- there was...” Ryan stopped, almost wanting to spare him from it. He knew Shane was “cool as a cucumber madej”, he didn’t show fear. Nothing scared him. It may embarrass him. But Shane beat him to it.

“I was fucking terrifying.” Shane muttered, rubbing a hand over his face as his knee began to bounce.

“I-I thought maybe you were dying of some drug he dosed you with that you then, y’know, chugged down all at once. Or maybe that your appendix was going to explode and make you internally bleed to death in my car. Then you shoved me out of your apartment-“

“How did you get in by the way?”

“I picked it... maybe not well. I’ll pay for it if you need a new lock.” Shane said quietly. Ryan couldn’t help it, he burst into laughter.

“You’re not feeling the guilt? Of me breaking your fucking door lock?” Shane questioned. Ryan sniffled as he laughed.

“Listen man I can feel it, but I also have my own emotions, and that’s fucking hilarious. Not only did you pound on my door at one in the morning smelling like alcohol, but you also picked my fucking door lock, and not one of my neighbors, who also are night owls, called for building security. Not one. They could hear me in here screaming and everything and they didn’t think oh, maybe he’s being murdered? I’ll tell you, I know which neighbors I’m not making Christmas cookies for this year. The night owls.” Ryan laughed, finally making Shane smile for the first time in a while that night.

“You’re not fucking with me are you?” Shane said finally, after a minute of silence on his end.

“I’m not. I swear to you, I’m really not. I fucking hate it.”

“So that’s why it wouldn’t stop. I was- scared.” Shane supplied.

“More than that, yeah. But I mean- that’s the gist of it. I went with you, you feel negative so I feel negative, I start crying like an asshole, you get more upset, so I get worse. And then- I don’t know. I really really don’t know. I started to lose consciousness but I think that was from the pain level. I don’t know if anything like that could actually kill me.” Ryan admitted.

“Why do you do ghost hunts if you’re just going to be scared, and feeling the whole camera crews fear? And getting scared yourself, doesn’t that hurt you? You have a pain fetish or something?” Shane asked, only half joking.

“I do not, thank you.” Ryan laughed.

“No I, the camera crew is usually two people tops, standing a bit further back. And they’re not usually carrying fear so much as... anticipation. And I go there to- prove they’re real. I can feel them too. Definitely not as strong, and I jump out of my fucking skin when I hear something behind me, but I can feel their anger, sadness, fear, pain. I really do want to prove they’re there. And when I do taunt it’s usually when I feel a more... I don’t know. You’ll laugh, but something that doesn’t feel human. Something without that fear response. Then I know I’m feeling the one causing the pain and I’m ok with calling them out on it.”

“What about me? Do I- I mean I’ve seen tonight what I can do, so what do you feel from me on hunts?” Shane questioned. _Worry, fear, guilt- happy, adoration, comfort._

“If there’s something you’re trying to get me not to see I’m telling you, I can’t read minds. But I can feel when you’re straining your giant brain to change your thoughts.” Ryan said, without thinking about it. _Guilt, guilt, guilt._ But Shane didn’t say anything or look up from his lap.

“When we’re on the ghost hunts, I feel... calm. From you. I feel calming, and humor, and a little bit of anticipation but I think that’s more you being excited to tell a ghost to fuck off.” Ryan grinned. Shane broke into a chuckle and nodded.

“Yeah, ok. You got that.” Ryan nodded. He was drawing back. He was closing in on himself. _Fear, guilt, anxiety._

“What were those things you were thinking of earlier? For me to read?” Ryan asked, trying to change the subject a little. He knew he’d fucked up almost immediately.

“I need to go, let you rest.” Shane said, starting to stand up. Ryan stood up as well, effectively blocking Shane between the coffee table and the end of the couch that was against the wall.

“Please don’t leave. I need to know this isn’t- that I didn’t fuck up anything, alright? Because I know you don’t believe in ghosts or anything supernatural, and I know this sounds- too paranormal to believe. I need you to just tell me I didn’t fuck up our friendship by telling you this. Because it’s still me, I’m fine and I’m- getting really fucking sad- shit. Wow. Shane what the fuck.” Ryan stuttered, almost falling over and sitting back down on the couch, enough that Shane squeezed past him.

“I need to go.” Shane said in a hushed voice, getting about as far as the door handle before he growled and stopped.

“But if I go you’ll just sense it next time.” Shane muttered quietly.

“Next time what?”

“Next time you’re around me. Because I can change my fucking thoughts, I can focus on other things and it’s, you know comparably, it’s easier to change the images in your head. But you can’t change-“ Shane cut himself off. Ryan stood and got closer to Shane, begging the heavens to not let Shane run.

_Fear, anger, denial, sadness, guilt, rejection, self hate, love, love, love._

“I was thinking of my pet turtle. Earlier. He died when I was really young. I was sad he was gone, and I didn’t quite get it. Then I thought about that time my brother fell out of a tree. He broke his arm. I made fun of him falling and then I- saw how bad it was.” Shane recalled.

Then he went silent, shrugging off the hand that Ryan started to put on his shoulder. He knew what was coming. He had figured it out earlier. Frankly he felt like a dumbass for not realizing sooner. But he wasn’t prepared for the huge hit of _rejection_ he’d feel as soon as Shane opened his mouth.

“And I was thinking about you.” Shane said. His voice was smooth like it always was. But Ryan thought he might keel over from the force of the feelings coming off of him.

And just like that he grabbed Shane for support as his stomach cramped up again, and Shane turned back around instantly, catching him without hesitation. Ryan choked up on a sound that bubbled out from the waves of sadness, and from his own fear. His own fear of fucking up their friendship that he had harbored for so long had prevented him from realizing that those weren’t just HIS feelings. It was coming from both of them. And then he was pulling Shane down to meet him half way, because he didn’t think he could stand up straight with these cramps until the big idiot realized.

He slammed their lips together probably more harshly that was necessary, but as soon as he did there was relief, and he could stand up all the way. He moved his hand to the back of Shanes head, tugging just a little on the half-curls, and using the other hand to steady himself on Shane’s hip. And just like that Shane pulled back, and Ryan’s stomach tried to kill him again. Whining, he doubled over and Shane caught him.

“I-I’m sorry. Fuck. Ryan are those your feelings or mine?”

“What?”

“Are you kissing me because you feel that way, because you want to? Or am I - like radiating those signals and making you do it? Because I’m not going to- psychic force you to kiss me just because I want that and you’re projecting.” Shane said roughly, holding him up by his elbows so he didn’t fall over against the pains.

“It’s me! Fuck, I’m a dumbass. I didn’t realize you liked me, loved me, whatever, for so long because I always thought those feelings were just my feelings. It’s- it’s a little jumbled with you. Fuck, it’s a lot stronger with you too. No, I- really fucking like you. More than I should.” Ryan admitted.

The wave of relief was so intense he fell backwards. He almost slipped from Shane’s grip and Shane swore as he rushed to keep grip on the dead weight. Ryan finally, finally took a deep unhindered breath for the first time in almost two hours. And he straightened, getting his footing before reaching back up to Shane face.

“Can I kiss you again?”

“Yeah. Yes. A hundred times yes.” Shane sputtered.

He latched on and kissed him hard, pushing into his grip and pouring out all his feelings, knowing Shane had to feel them through the touch and didn’t have his talent. Meanwhile Shane radiated it. He was filled to the brim and he was spilling over. **_Joy, acceptance, happiness, love._**

Ryan felt hands near his waist, traveling further, and realized Shane was almost dipping him to reach under his ass, and then he broke apart only for Ryan to be yanked upwards, into the air. He almost yelped, almost, as Shane carried him off towards his bed.

“What are we doing?” Ryan asked. He could feel the slightest hints of lust but not the intention. Not the anticipation.

“You’ve had a long, long night. I have too. I’m taking you to bed. And I’m, if it’s alright, I’m going to stay to keep giving you ‘happy’ or whatever.” Shane said.

“That sounds really fucking nice.” Ryan breathed. Shane gently deposited him into his bed, smacking away his hands and undoing his shoes for him, slipping off his own and climbing into the sheets. He hesitated on his own waistband before deciding against it pretty quickly, until Ryan caught his hand and pulled it towards his own waist.

“We can take these off if you’d be more comfortable. If we’re, I mean- if you’d like to be dating. We can take out clothes off.” Ryan said hastily. Shane modded, and the nerves in the room hung heavy and Shane more watched than helped Ryan momentarily lift up to slip them off. Not his underwear, just his pants. And Shane followed suit, and fuck Ryan was getting flustered because he’d never, ever seen or felt Shane in all the time he’d known the guy to feel or act shy. The thought that he was causing it was making him turn red, and for around the millionth time he was glad no one could feel his emotions.

There were no words spoken on how to arrange themselves, they just went on instinct. On terrifying nights in the haunted locations where they stayed to sleep, when Ryan’s mind was creating too strong of a fear response and the emotions carried in the spirits were stronger, Shane had always wrapped himself around Ryan like a big blanket, sheltering him and protecting his back where he couldn’t see.

They did it again now, this time Shane’s legs tangling over his and his warm arms not shielding anything bad so much as keeping in the good. He hummed in relief and Shane pressed gentle kisses along the back of his neck, making his face heat up. It was gentle, and chapped lips, and _love, protect, adoration,_ and it was so wholly him.

“Goodnight you big giant.”

“Goodnight tiny.” Shame chuckled.

Ryan was never the best sleeper. He always had trouble getting comfortable. He rolled and twisted and finally would fall asleep after an hour of this, sometimes more. But tonight he fell asleep almost immediately, surrounded by warmth and limbs and love. And he knew he’d wake up to it again too. Because Shane felt the same way.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there! I don’t claim for any of this to be real and I don’t condone the real life pushing of ships on real people, I just think it’s cute and want to write fluffy stuff that I wish could happen to me. So this is a psa, although it’s cute they are not in real life wanting to date each other (most likely) and let’s not try to force them to! 
> 
> Leave me a kudos? ,’:)


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